I’ve been asked this question by a few friends when they see the personal message I put on my MSN…
“I’m waiting… waiting… STILL waiting…”
What EXACTLY am I waiting for? The answers I gave to my friends varies…
“I’m waiting to go home…”
“I’m waiting for 2007 to end…”
“I’m waiting for the new year to come…”
“I’m waiting for a change…”
and many more…
Their replies? “Oh..”, “oic”, “yeah…” and so on…
But to a friend… whom my answer was “I’m waiting for a change…” I elaborate further on my answer… cuz this friend asked.. “what other changes do you expect? I tot u oredi got ur hair burnt?” hahaha… yeah.. I changed my hairstyle.. dyed it to gold/blonde/whatever colour you may want to name it..
And my answer was…
“I want to change my heart… I need a heart transplant…”
No.. I’m not indicating a physical heart transplant, but a spiritual and emotional heart transplant.
My heart has gone cold… not sure since WHEN, not sure WHAT caused it, not sure WHO caused it… but I know… my heart is COLD……
I’ve shared this with a friend of mine… and I remember repeating this statement.. “my heart is cold…” and I remember this friend saying.. “sometimes, things are to be done not by FEEL, but by WILL…”
Wow! I’m a person who does things based on emotion… I will do it if I FEEL like doing it… so when I hear this from my friend.. I kept quiet…
Another friend who knew about this.. said to me, “Sometimes, it’s a matter of whether you’re willing to change ur heart…”
WILLING to change… the word WILL again…
And as I was typing this… I felt that this statement(I’m waiting… waiting… STILL waiting… ) is not from me.. but from God… cuz He is waiting for me… to come back…
I know I need to do something about this… and I can’t allow myself to fall deeper and deeper… but… I’m still RESISTING the change… cuz I don’t FEEL like doing it… But.. What am I waiting for?
I’m waiting… waiting… STILL waiting…
1 comment:
I'll still say the same thing "Jesus WILLED to obey the Father in the garden of Gethsemane". Had He not WILLED and depended on His emtion to decide, you and I won't be here today edi. You can make it back :)
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