The Holiday

How many times have I watched this? More than 3 times I would say... hehe.. Dunno why.. but i juz LOVE this movie!!!

Maybe I always wanted a HOLIDAY... maybe I wanted to get-AWAY...

I told this friend about this movie I've watched so many times... I said, "I guess I like the way the characters in the movie "ran away" from their respective problems at home to a totally foreign country... and tat excites me... "

But I remember him saying... "Movie tells you the GOOD thing... but in reality... nothing is tat perfect!"

I guess I was amazed by the characters in the movie.. and by watching this movie... I can imagine being the person in the movie for 2 hrs... tat's not a bad experience... hehe... at least for 2 hrs, I'm able to relax and enjoy myself... putting aside watever tat's bothering me...

Time to shower... got a discussion coming up... something which i have "looked forward" to...

I dun feel like talking...

It's been a week since I last blog... busy? hmm... I wud rather say... lots of things on my mind...

My mood swings alot lately... I know I need to be cool... and not let my emotions control me... but... I failed...

When things look good.. I'm happy.. wen things dun go well or lots of uncertainty... I'm bothered by it...

Where is the faith I'm supposed to have in God? I dunno...

Had a very good chat with some friends on the cyberworld las9... some are my very close friends whom I've not touch base for quite a while in a deeper way... some are friends whom I find very refreshing after chatting...

The chats with them made me think and ponder alot on things... it made me realize(not that i dunno.. juz another reminder) that life is so EXCITING! Without all the on-goings in our life.. life wud be so dull...

But to go thru all these in life... it's really not an easy task...

I remember something i mentioned to my friend...
"the more we walk right with God.. the more we struggle.... tat's really the challenge...."

It's so true... Sometimes.. I juz feel like escaping... walking away... I'm honestly very very very very very tired...

The things on my shoulder now... I juz dunno how to describe... how do ppl get stressed out? Tat's when they experience many changes all at 1 go...

I rmb reading an article about managing stress... 1 of the way is - Spread out the major changes in your life; Give yourself time to adjust from one change to another

How i wish I can 'control' the changes in my life now... How i wish they can come not all at the same time... How i WISH!!!

Come back to reality... I have to face it!

A verse I used to always encourage myself... which was not in my mind for quite a while until a friend 'reminded' me...

Romans 8:28 ~ And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

I titled this blog - "I dun feel like talking..." cuz i really dun feel like talking to anyone... I prefer to express my thoughts and feelings thru writing... it felt better...


Found this on the internet... Remember seeing it on 1 of my friend's page as well... It's very encouraging...

God... I need Your encouragement to hang in there...

Hang in there...

"This is not the end of the road, you hang in there yah!"

Those were the words I heard...

I smiled... but I know.. deep inside my heart... tears were dropping...

God... Maybe this is what you want me to do... To wait... I know I've prayed the prayer... And You answered it... this door seemed closed now... and I have to accept it.

It's rather disappointing... cuz I was really looking forward to it. But I have to admit... You know what's BEST for me... Maybe it's not the right time... Maybe you have better things in store for me...

Yes.. I need to hang in there... "God... I need You... "

Pisces

At first glance, you may find yourself fascinated with a Pisces. They are usually gentle and have a softness about them, essentially living in a world of dreams and romance. Along with their sensitive and mysterious qualities, their psychic intuition usually leads them through life. They have a tendency to fall in love easily and can have several love affairs until finding the right match.

To stay in a continuous relationship, they need to have their emotional needs met, along with a feeling of security. Adaptable to almost any situation and all sorts of people, you may find the Pisces to be a real charmer.

To win points with the Piscean, compliment them on their appearance, or flatter them regarding something they have done. Additionally, if you're the sentimental type, you will be on your way into a fulfilling relationship. If you're thoughtful, kind, and affectionate, in return, you may find yourself richly awarded with devotion. However, if you constantly criticize or have a tendency to be unfaithful with your devotion, you may want to keep looking.

Their interests fall in the arts and in stimulating conversation. These often artistically talented individuals love topics on mysticism, spiritualism and the supernatural.

They will find this behavior intolerable and definitely unacceptable. Pisces will do almost anything for someone they care about. Once they commit to a person, they will give all their time, effort, and energy to them.

Pisces love to expound and explain their point of view, however, if you don't agree, be gentle. This sensitive zodiac sign, doesn't appreciate rejection or someone that takes a completely negative approach to life. They are also great listeners and their sympathy is mostly genuine.

Once they have found a stable, passionate, and tender partner, they will relinquish their uttermost passion and devotion to them exclusively.

They won't even mind if the person makes most of the decisions that are to be made. As an attentive, compassionate and romantic lover, they will surely fulfill your spiritual and physical needs.

Once content in emotional security, this vulnerable sign of the zodiac, will look no further.

Surprise! haha...

I was quite surprised Germany beat Portugal early this morning... hehehe..

But it was good to see them in the semi-finals... I wasn't disappointed Portugal lost, just that I was surprised with Germany's form in the last few matches, they were able to display such good skills against Portugal. =P

I woke up to watch... it was a very interesting match... lazy to write on the match.. so.. I shall juz cut & paste the match report taken from The Star.. hehe...

Three-time European champions Germany are into the semi-finals after a dramatic 3-2 victory over Euro 2004 finalists Portugal on Thursday in Basel.

It was no more than Germany deserved after taking a 22nd minute lead through Bastian Schweinsteiger and despite some late worries when Helder Postiga pulled Portugal within a goal, they can now look forward to a semi-final date with Croatia or Turkey next Wednesday.
Captain Michael Ballack was again influential scoring the crucial third goal after Nuno Gomes had pulled the scoreline back to 2-1.

Miroslav Klose nodded home Germany's second from a Schweinsteiger free-kick just four minutes after he had slid home the opener following a brilliant move down then left between Ballack and Lukas Podolski who sent in the cross.

Germany coach Joachim Loew looked on gleefully from the press box as he served out a one-match suspension for arguing with the fourth official during their 1-0 win over Austria which booked their quarter-final date.

Loew can now look forward to a return to the sidelines for Wednesday's last four clash as Germany look to emulate their last previous victory in this tournament back in 1996.
The team hadn't won a match in the final phase of a Euro since that triumph at Wembley but they are now just one match from a crack at record fourth continental conquest.

After Schweinsteiger and Klose had given Germany a 2-0 cushion, it appeared the Portuguese would claw their way back into the match when Nuno Gomes slotted home a loose ball following good work from Cristiano Ronaldo.

However Ballack powered home a header on 61 minutes after obviously pushing Paulo Ferreira in the box but the goal was given and put Germany back in full control.
Portugal then gave their last throw of the dice when Helder Postiga sent a flashing header into the roof of the net and it was white knuckle time for the Germanys with three minutes left.
However they held on despite a late Portuguese barrage and can now put their feet up until next Wednesday which will give them almost a full weeks rest.

It was Portugal coach Luiz Felipe Scolari's final match in charge of the national side as he gets set to take over as manager of Premier League giants Chelsea but he finished his spell in charge on a losing note.

Scolari led the team to the final of Euro 2004 and the semi-finals of the 2006 World Cup but failed in his bid to bring Portugal their first major international trophy as he now heads for west London.

Looking forward to other quarterfinal matches in Euro 2008. I'm gonna have less zzz for the next few nights! Crazy?!!! C'mon.. it's football season mah! hehehe...

Next guitarist?

Looking at the photos... makes me wanna play guitar... it's juz so 'ying'(cantonese)

I've always dreamed of myself holding the guitar... playing the songs which I love... I wanted to learn how to play "More than words" hehehehe....

I've also always wanted to pick up learning guitar... I tried... but after a while.. the 'fire' died off... cuz.. I gave up...

Today... i was chatting with a friend.. den... somehow.. i got 'dragged' into learning up guitar together... hahaha...

I dun even remember the chords.. so.. now.. the 1st thing i need to do is to remember the chords... then strumming...

Searched online for some guitar chords... found this..

Checked with my 'sifu'... 'sifu' say some of the chords too difficult.. i shd start with a few simple one first... so.. 'sifu' helped me to mark a few chords for me to practice... while marking the chords... i told 'sifu'

"hahaha.. me juz now marking ... like small kid learning like tat"

I hope this time.. I will not give up so easily... =P

Morning swim...

How do you know when you're stressed out?

I did a search online.. found this very interesting...

I went for interview few weeks back(the interview is another story by itself)... a question posted to me was... "How do you manage stress?"

Hmmm... very interesting! My answer was.. "I do sports... I exercise... I work out.. " how true is this... I dunno... at least part of it worked.. hehehe...

Today... I went for a morning swim... a routine I really start to love and enjoy...

While resting by the side after doing a few laps... I started pondering on the recent happenings around me... then i realised... the swim was therapeutic

It somehow helped me to have a clearer mind... and somehow... the issues around me seems not so BIG a problem anymore... at least for that time... I seemed able to relax...

Although there were other people swimming at the pool... but they were rather transparent to me... I was in the world of my own... staring at the tennis court in front of me... my mind went elsewhere...

Many things flashed thru my mind...

First thing that came to my mind was... Choices... Decisions...

I saw this on the internet... which amused me...

"Life is the greatest roller coaster ride we will ever take. The ups and downs, the unexpected changes, the twists and turns, are all a part of living. The roller coaster ride of life can be miserable and uncomfortable or exciting and rewarding. Our states of mind and body are key factors in how we handle these changes. The problems of life do not go away magically. We have to consciously work on making our lives more positive and joyful."

We have all heard that metaphore that life is like a road. Some roads are long, others are short; some are smooth, others rocky; some are full of twists and turn, whilst others are completley straight. In this journey, called our life, we head down many different roads. There are those perfect roads that lead to a wonderful life of being single, or to the joy of being married. There are those high roads that lead us to fame and fortune, along with those that lead us into fammine and despair. The same goes for the roads that lead us to victory and happiness, whilst other lead us to defeat and disappointment.

Just like any road that we travel on everyday, there are corners, cross-roads, detours, round-abouts, and even the odd pot hole or two. The most confusing road to be on is the one that joins a cross-road or round-about. With a number of different roads to choose from, and only a vague idea of where they go, which one is the right one to take?"

Yes... life is about choices & decisions... all the happenings around us... all comes down to choices & decisions we make.

There are things I wanna hang on to... there are also things I wanna give up...

There are things I would like to pursue... there are also things I would like to leave behind...

There are things I love to treasure.. there are also things which I hate to release...

There are things I know doesn't belong to me.. I shd let go... there are also things which belongs to me.. I shd hold on tight to it...

So... what's my decision? Let's see....

She failed... Again...

After a few days of calmness... she thought she was all right... but... only to realize... she failed... again...tat nite...

disappointed with herself
sigh... move on!!!

Gloomy Day

Weather is really bad today...

Initially... wen i got into the car and observe the weather on my way to work.. I thought it was a cloudy morning... But things doesn't seem right especially looking at the visibility of the surroundings...

When I get out of my car when i reached office... The smoking smell juz rushed into my nostrils... Oh My!!!

It must be HAZE again!!! Or some open burning somewhere... The smell is juz so bad that I had to run indoor.

Better drink more water... I've heard of many people who has fallen sick.. I dun wan to be the next one...

Another day in office

It's juz another day in office... but these few days.. i was really bored...

Well.. I have some work to do.. but most of them follow up, and these are to wait for other team's responses... so... it's waiting... Nothing much I can do..

Besides.. team lead is not around this week... Although there are things that she has passed on to me.. but I've finished it!

And the other reason is... I'm waiting for reply from another team.. my potential new team.

Yeps... I've applied for a role in another team... how's it now? Well... long long story if I were to blog here...

Anyway.. cut long story short... Wat i need now is... favour from God.. cuz there seems to be some complication for the transfer... so..... God... I really need Your grace & favour... You know what's best for me, so... I leave this to You.

But... the feeling of waiting is really not good.. I'm feeling like standing on a fence... caught in between... dunno where to go...

But God's timing is different from ours.. I have to be patient.. I have to persevere....

1pm... hmmm.. still dunno wat to do... whole morning.. what did i do? Nothing! Except handling a few issues and chatting... so so so UNPRODUCTIVE!!!!!

Another few more hours to go b4 I can call it a day...
BORING>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

You are my all in all......

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising up again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

Oh... so true.. the words of the song... especially the highlighted ones... spoke so much to me...

At times... we do ask.. "God... where are You?" when we were down, when we faced problems... but God is ALWAYS there.. waiting for us to seek Him... but often times... when we were faced with trials & temptations... God is always the first one we missed... and put aside...

Sad... but honestly it's true... I'm guilty of this...

God never fails us... He is always waiting for us to come back to Him...
"When I fall down You pick me up, When I am dry You fill my cup"

So TRUE!!!

God... I know.. You're waiting for me...

Help me to have the child-like faith... trusting that You will work things out...

Speechless...

I'm speechless... dunno wat to do... I need a MIRACLE!!! But I really wonder whether it will happen... deep inside my heart.. i doubted...

Looking at the papers spread out on my bed... I felt really helpless...

How much more can I do? If he continues to stay quiet on this... i dunno wen i will breakdown... I dunno whether I can take this anymore...

Has my heart grown cold? Has my heart hardened?? I dunno... Maybe I dun even FEEL anything anymore...

Calm...

Calmness in my heart...

T.G.I.F

Oh!!! It's Friday!!! My favourite weekday.. hehehe...

There's a lot of things i wanna blog... lots of photos I have too... but... hmmm... seems like I'm getting very bz today... cuz my team lead is gonna be away whole of next week... i need to take up some of her stuffs... so... lots of information downloading... no time to blog la... hahaha...

But i'm happy working!!! I'm happy cuz i got things to do.. instead of sitting here doing nothing!! I enjoyed working actually.. hehehe... weird but true... I love to learn more stuffs...

And things my manager said to me earlier today encouraged me even more... I shall blog abt it wen i have time...

I guess I'm 'addicted' to blogging now... hehehe... till my next blog... =P

EXPECTATION... DISAPPOINTMENT...

“I noticed… can i share my view and feelings ? I'll try to put it as best i can.. no ill feelings meant ya =)"
“ok.. go on”

That was how the conversation started…

EXPECTATION & DISAPPOINTMENT… they are very close cousins… The more your expect… the more you get disappointed… you get hurt…

“jus let me know if u r giving up our friendship?”

These words are really hurting… but it can’t be compared to the hurt she has caused him… cuz of her doings… her reactions… her being selfish… he may seemed ok.. but she knows… she knows that she has hurt him… she has made him sad…

“and i'm really really sorry.... i have placed u in this position... i was very very selfish....we should love others like ourselves... but i failed this.......I TOTALLY FAILED!!!”

She blamed herself…

“u kno... i think i took u for granted..”

“why u say that?”

“many times i tot tat i GIVE more to this friendship.. cuz of the persecution i received from be-friending u.. and the times i need to stand up for u... so... i took for granted things u did...and for things u din do... i blame u for not doing it.. well... i guess cuz i treat u like a part of my family d... tat's why it affect me so much… I dun think any of my friendship with other ppl ever affect me in such a deep way... even if it did... it only took me a while to get over it...”

“i take that as a compliment lor"

“well.. it is a compliment... =)”

She was afraid… she was afraid to lose him…

But why in the first place did she does the things she has done??? she was confused…

There’s a Chinese saying on this… “From LOVE to HATE”

But does she hate him? Nope… she still loves him for who he is… the friend who shares his ups & downs with her… the friend who stood by her through good and bad times… the friend who sits and listens to her never ending stories… the friend who understands her... the friend who encouraged her when she wanted to give up… the friend who nudge her from behind when she was lazy… the friend who sees her potential to go the extra mile.. the friend who spends quality time with her… and most importantly.. the friend who bear with her nonsense… bear with her selfishness.. and still treats her as his very very good friend… cuz he understands her...

What more does she want to ask from him? When she has it all???


I wonder how their friendship will go on from now…

Shell Safety Day 2008

Posters are all around the office prior to this day... Shell takes employee's safety very seriously... Safety Day is an annual event to promote safety awareness among staff.

All staff were given a t-shirt for this event.. this year.. it's RED in colour.

It's almost 10am... announcement were made to invite all staff to attend the launching of Shell Safety Day 2008. My colleagues & me made our way to the event.

We were given some door gifts.. To our surprise.. we were each given an apple & an orange! Plus a goody bag... the bigger surprise comes wen we opened the bag... full of healthy stuffs!!! Milo.. health drink... bread... oats...

* orange & apple *

* goodie bag *

* wat's inside *

My FIRST time...

Yah yah.. it's my first time...

I was really nervous... My heart pumping really fast... How's it gonna be like? How's it gonna feel? Is it painful???

Hey hey... dun run wild on your thoughts ya... hehehehe

It's my first ever encounter with blood donation la.. hehehehe.... It's our office Safety Day 2008. In conjunction with this.. there's a blood donation drive goin on

The nervous & heart pumping part was juz added in for fun lah... I have done bone marrow donation before... now blood donation??? No problem!!!

The nurses checked my pulse, blood pressure etc... readings:-
blood pressure : 120/80 pulse : 12 / min Blood type checked... type A

Then.. i was given some 'bags' to contain my blood...

Seated down... held out my left hand.. cuz the seat i was directed to was meant to take blood from left hand... the nurse 'beat' my arms... did some hand movement... She's trying to find my veins i supposed...

Hmmm... can't find? Change hand... I was asked to moved to another seat where my right hand will be used to collect(or wat word should be used ah?) my blood...

Needle inserted... blood flowed...

I was asked to hold a tube and squeeze it... to enhance the blood flow i supposed?

I was looking around and trying to make myself comfortable on the chair... then a nurse walked by... "Oh! Cepatnya sudah penuh!(Oh! So fast full d... ), tadi masih susah... (juz now was so difficult)"

I was surprised! It was like less than 5minutes! 2-3 minutes at most!

Hmmm... I didn't know I have good blood flow eh? =P

"U punya skin cepat ada lebam(red patch)" the nurse who helped to insert the needle told me earlier...

And true enough.. I see the red patch on my arm...


These are wat i get after that... to RECHARGE! hehe


Tat was my FIRST time... =P

I 'LOVE' u for doing this...

She really looked forward to meeting him for dinner...

Today... the feeling is juz so different. She dun feel 'reluctant' to go... like wat happened las9... 2day... she was eager to go. =P

Supposed to meet him abt 830pm... cuz she has meetings to attend to. But the meeting ended early...

Gave him a call... and he was ready! Cool... they're gonna meet there at 8pm!

The ambience was really nice... with the candle light on the table... outdoor tables... very casual... very comfortable... and the smell of the food... yummy!!!

Food was good... delicious!!! BBQ chicken with lamb... the potatoes(she luv the way they cut it in cubes and deep fry them... nice!)... the sauce for the dip... it's simply mouth-watering!

It was really a very nice dinner... good company... nice chat... excellent ambience... delicious food... FANTASTIC!!!

Her mood was really good 2nite... it's juz so different compared to the night before...

Maybe she had overcame it.. or maybe cuz she has decided to be happy... or maybe... nothing else happen tat made her heart ache??? I wonder... but she juz enjoyed this current emotions of hers...

It's so so so comfortable to sit in front of him and juz chat... recent updates... work... family... friends... their struggles.. ANYTHING!

They also talked about recent happenings around them.. the petrol price hike.. the effects of it... changes they need to make to accommodate to this change... and not forgetting the recent Cyclone that hits Myanmar, earth quake in China and so on...

Suddenly he asked.. "Do you know of any old folks home nearby?"

She was stunned for a while.. "What on earth is he asking for old folks home for???" She was thinking to herself...

"You know... sometimes these old people just wanted someone to listen to their stories... I remember my grandma used to pull me aside and tell me stories... and she was so happy that there's someone there listening to her stories... and although everytime i listen to her.. it's like the tape rewinding repeatedly....... " He chuckled...

And she suggested Orphanage as well...

And they started discussing about how to go to these places and lend them a helping hand... and they came to a conclusion...

"Are we willing to sacrifice time.. money... ?"

They often complained about the price hike... how money earned is not enough to cover their expenses...

And they came to another conclusion... "We struggle to have a BETTER life... but these people stuggle to LIVE!!!"

They suggested ways they could help these needy people... and how they can allocate their time despite their busy schedule...

Let's hope these doesn't end with what have been discussed.. but let's hope that they will put these into ACTION!

How she wished they could juz sit there and continue chatting... But the waiters were seen starting to clean up... it's time for closing.

He paid the bill... and they both walked towards their cars. His car was there... and she stopped to say goodbye... but he said... "I'll walk you to your car... "

He waited till she started her car engine.. "I'll give you a call... bye... ", He said.

She waved goodbye, closed the door and drove off... feeling really good... ;-)

She doesn't get to see him often.. but everytime they meet... it's juz so heart-warming... it's juz so comfortable...

She misses the time they used to lie under the stars, gazing into the sky and chat... she really misses tat...

Tonite... his presence was juz therapeutic

I 'LOVE' u for doing this...

Sarah's Unspoken

Just don't force yourself to regret, your time, just because you're stuck in a problem.

You have to take time to love, and tolerate, and inspire. I guess you just see things alot differently wen all we can see is life that's around us.

Those were words taken from a movie done by a friend... inspired by the story of my little sister...

I cried as i watched the short movie.. especially when it comes to the part when Sarah mentioned the above few words... words from someone with terminal illness...

It made me cry cuz it reminds me of Ann Ann... it's been 1 year... and tat day i was juz telling sasa... "I missed her... I missed her smile... I missed her voice... I missed her... "

It oso made me cry cuz these encouraging words come from someone knowing they gonna die soon!!! And we here standing healthy and yet... complaining... cuz of our small little problems...

I'm lost for words... Juz a trailer of the movie below...

I wished YOU were there...

Why did he stopped working when he's still so young?

"I didn't know how to answer... I juz kept quiet... i was stunned" Tat was her answer... when she told me.

And it hurt me real deep... I asked myself too... "Why???"

We should know the outcome by the end of this week... and waiting is not a nice feeling.. I've been waiting for many things these days... How many more things do i need to wait for an answer???

Patience... Pray... Trust God... Yeah yeah... i know.... i know.... But i juz can't help feeling anxious...

Tears welled up as i listened to her... I dunno how i will take it if the answer we get is "NO!"

I'm juz afraid to get the answer...I wished YOU were there... to feel how she felt at tat moment...

I 'HATE' u for doing that...

Why? Why???

Why are you so 'cruel'???

I dunno how to take this anymore!!!

First... --> Dinner is ON 2nite... we're going there.
Argh... how I 'wish' it's cancelled wen u mentioned "Wait..." Then i don't need to face you! And of all places... you chose to have dinner there??? Why can't it be somewhere else? It reminds me of the time we had here... It's really painful... moreover... it's not a 'simple' place...

Secondly... --> I'll meet you there...
Last time, we went there together. Today... I'm gonna drive there ALONE.

Today... for the 1st time in my life... I went to the cinema ALONE! What movie? I dunno... i juz chose the movie nearest to the time i arrived at the counter...

I bought myself some snacks and a bottle of water.

It was quite empty inside... I walked to my seat... i sat there... thinking to myself.. "What on earth am i doin here???"

That's the WORST movie I've ever watched... LAME if i may comment abt it... but I laughed throughout the movie... I had a good laugh... I felt better... much much better... really!!!

I took out my phone to check on the time...

But... my heart ache again...

Thirdly... --> Can you buy tat for me?
Oh!!! How i so wanted to juz ignore this and say... "Oh! I didn't manage to get it." I walked away... towards the car park... but... I turned back. I walked towards that shop and get it for u. It brought back memories again... How we came here the last time and called this trip... a 'getaway'... Anyway.. tat's history... Why did i changed my mind? Cuz i have a BIG heart? I dunno...

I tot i was ok... but this sms brought me back to reality...

When i reached... i noticed you peek on my left hand whether I was carrying the stuff u asked me to buy... I SAW tat... and it hurts...

Then... --> We walked the same route...
Flashback of the time we sat there... we chatted... we took photos... Today... we did the same... but it's no longer the same... I tried to force a smile... i tried my best to be myself... but... i know... deep inside my heart... i juz wished that the nite will end ASAP... I juz dun wanna be there...

On my way home... i tot i would cry... but i didn't. Hands on the wheel... but... my mind is on something else... I didn't turn to the route to go home... i went for a ride... i wanted to have some time to think...

Lastly... --> U ok?
This is juz a simple question... but it hurts! What shd i say?
"I'm NOT ok"?, "I can't take it"?

What??!!!! What u expect me to say?

I can't blame you.. it's not your fault. It's part of CHANGE. I know... CHANGE is the most constant thing in life... I know tat...

I have to accept it...

Yes.. I am angry... i really am... I dunno why am I angry... why am I behaving like this... I don't want to... but I juz can't help it... give me some time... bear with me...

I need to trust God in...

family...
sasa's education funds...
work...
friendship...

EVERYTHING!!!


Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. ~ John 14:1

This really encouraged me...

Me : how long have u put on tat verse on d?
Friend : hahaha
Friend : cannot meh
Me : can.... hehehehehe
Friend : hahaha
Friend : y ah ?
Me : nah... juz thinking abt things...
Friend : oh
Friend : lots of things to tink abt ?
Me : hahaha.. abit lah....
Me : sometimes juz feel like give up! Hahaha
Friend : give up ah
Friend : in what area ah ?
Me: well... i guess i hold on to things too tightly lor... XXX's prayer come back again... "learn to let go... "
Me : hehehehehe
Me : Trust in God
Me : let God handle... and not take it to our own hands..
Friend : i like this verse actually
Friend : tats y i kept it
Me: tat's why i keep reading it.. hehehe....
Friend : the very simple things we can do lo yet it's hard
Me : TRUE!
Friend : letting go ah ... 1 thing i do when i need to let go is to
Friend : forgive 1st
Friend : then never tell yrself u are the victim
Friend : cos when things hurt us
Friend : we regards ourself as victim
Friend : therefore it's hard to let go & forgive
Me : hmmmmm.......
Me : interesting...
Friend : hard to also accept things
Friend : and kept routing back to the very same problem
Friend : when not letting go, u also imprison yourself
Friend : letting go means letting yourself FREE lo
Me : u kno wat? u're juz so different now..
Friend : issit ?
Friend : hehehe
Me : yep!!! heheheheheheh
Friend : hopefully for the better la
Me: i guess cuz u let go lots of things d...
Friend : cos me also got emotion ma
Friend : ya
Friend : true
Me : then u're more FREE eh?
Friend : yes
Friend : hahaha
Friend : esp issues in my life la
Me : hahahahahhahaha good lah!
Me : i'll learn to
Friend : problems do come tho but hey
Friend : y put myself in prison again
Friend : there are times i do lock myself up
Friend : but i've always remind myself to let myself go
Me : u're very brave...
Friend : holding it tight will not do any good
Friend : and dont wanna kill myself
Friend : hehehe
Friend : 1st step not easy
Friend : but decide to do it
Friend : and as u make your way out of prison
Me : sigh.. wat to do.. my 1st step always is to RUNAWAY!!!!
Friend : tell yrself no matter waht am going out
Me : hahahaha
Friend : hahaha
Me : find an escape route!
Friend : runaway ah ... yala tats one way
Friend : hehehe
Friend : but i also realize i sure come back to same place as i run
Me : but some things have to face..c an't run away one wor.. haha
Me : yalor.. tat's why......
Me : facing.... reminds me of facing the giant...
Friend : ya
Friend : hehehe
Me : maybe i shd read tat book facing your giant by Max lucado
Me : i have tat book.. but i din read it
Friend : why not ? heheheh
Friend : maybe it helps
Me : dunno... long time din read d...
Me : long time din read books d.. hehehe
Friend : me too
Friend : ;p
Me : mayb i shd read instead of watch TV eh? hahahaha
Me : another of my escape route.. hehehehe
Me : watching TV
Friend :oh
Friend : there are time for tv
Me : but TOO MUCH time!!!!
Friend : however maybe choose some program tat helps
Friend : hehehe
Friend : u know ah
Me : wat?
Friend : at 1 time i was going thru issues
Friend : i watch this india show
Friend : hahaha
Friend : to tat extend ok
Friend : bollywood
Me : wah!!!! indian show??? wah lau eh
Me : does it help ah?
Me : hahahahahhahahha
Friend : 1 scene spoke to me
Me : i felt even more depressed as i watch the HK series... so many family issues.. work issues.. friendship issues....
Friend : i cried like mad oh
Friend : hahaha
Me : hahaha.... tat's good.. to cry...
Friend : guess tats y i choose discovery or animal planet
Friend : it adds to knowledge ma
Friend : ya good cry
Friend : and tats got me kind of start to let go of things
Me : u mean after the good cry?
Me : hmmm......
Friend : guess ppls life are even having problems to extend of death and y am i complaining here hehehe
Friend : ya
Friend : after tat
Me : well... true lor... ppl struggle to survive... he struggle to face problems???
Me : hahaha
Me : we*
Friend : ya
Friend : of course we try not to ignore it
Friend : cos problem still problem ma
Friend : guess to face it also means we end it lo
Friend : running away will only suffers u more
Me : but family how to end lah.. it's still problem... haha
Friend : ya
Friend : family is the most difficult one
Friend : cos it's for the rest of your life
Me : it's like NEVER progress.....
Me : sigh...
Me : i guess cuz i refuse to face it...
Me : i refuse to talk with the person involve....
Me : i choose to ESCAPE
Me : maybe tat's why....
Friend : prepare 1st lo
Friend : and prepare to be dissapointed too
Friend : cos human still human ma
Friend : we cant change them
Friend : but we can change ourself
Friend : guess u rememebr tat ya
Me : sigh... yalor......
Me : i remember... i always say tat.. but i myself don't do it
Friend : sometimes expectation from us towards others frustrates us
Friend : tat frustration means expectation
Me : EXPECTATION... i hate this word...
Friend : if u expect less u frustrates & dissapoint less
Friend : ya
Friend : hahahaha
Friend : me too
Friend : however i myself do fall into tat category of expecting others too
Me : EXPECTATION & DISAPPOINTMENT
Me : always come hand in hand.. arghhhh
Friend : guess no rite remedy for everything
Friend : tats y need to depend on God lo
Me : AMEN!!!!!
Friend : more important u do your best on your part
Me : i guess i run away... from God oso lah..
Friend : and know God are pleased with u
Me : cuz i kno He's pulling me back.. hahaha
Friend : tats enought dy
Friend : as for the rest let God handle
Friend : cos if its heart issues guess only god has the power to move heart
Me : welll....... it's true...
Friend : it mite take sometime even when u know u've change to be better
Me : i try... but it;s juz tat.. at times.. i tot i got over it.. but then.. it bothers me again!!!!
Friend : and results will come as u preserver
Friend : oh no worries, this process are necessary
Friend : cos otherwise how do u know u've really really overcome ?
Friend : to overcome is when test come
Friend : hwheheeh
Me : well... i guess tests comes at different point.. den...
Me : whether u pass or fail lor rite?
Friend : eh got meeting
Me : ok
Me : nice chatting.. i felt better
Me : much much better!
Me : thanks!!!!!
Me : u're always the best!

Have u ever...

Have u ever had this feeling where u decided to do something... but deep inside ur heart.. u juz 'wished' u haven't decided to do it?

I'm sure everyone had this feeling...

I sure did.

I wished i've never said 'yes', I tot i was ok.... but now.. i 'regret' saying 'yes'. Why? Why?? Why??? I dun wan to feel this way...

I juz dun like it to be like this... how could it become like tis??? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well.... u 'asked' for it... u gotta accept it!!! No matter how u feel, how u react to it... things not gonna change... it's gonna happen d... tat's FOR SURE!!!

So... juz face it!!!

ARGHHH.... How i wish i can juz sleep over this....